-
This community needs YOUR help today!
With the ever-increasing fees of maintaining our vibrant community (servers, software, domains, email), we need help.
We need more Supporting Members today.Please invest back into this community to help spread our love and knowledge of all aspects of IH Cub Cadet and other garden tractors.
Why Join?
- Exclusive Access: Gain entry to private forums.
- Special Perks: Enjoy enhanced account features that enrich your experience, including the ability to disable ads.
- Free Gifts: Sign up annually and receive exclusive IH Cub Cadet Tractor Forum decals directly to your door!
This is your chance to make a difference. Become a Supporting Member today:
Archive through October 04, 2013
- Thread starter aschumacher
- Start date
Help Support IH Cub Cadet Forum:
As we get older and visit the doctor more, this could come in handy.
SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause
DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS. In God we trust
SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause
DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS. In God we trust
kostendorf
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 617
- displayname
- Keith Ostendorf
Its deer killin time...
kostendorf
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 617
- displayname
- Keith Ostendorf
kostendorf
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 617
- displayname
- Keith Ostendorf
Everyone gotta kiss a little ass at some point in their lives, but some folks just go a tad overboard, lol....
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
Geeze...I know I left my bone somewhere...
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
There is something very wrong about this commercial. I can see a bunch of bikers here gonna have a s*%t fit over this !!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/15/if-men-posed-like-motorcycle-babes_n_4101152.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D392807
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/15/if-men-posed-like-motorcycle-babes_n_4101152.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D392807
Password
 Have a great day.
Always choose a memorable password!
A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password,
selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife
and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye,
he selects a word: mypenis.
As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!
The computer had replied:
TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!
Always REMEMBER this:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
 Have a great day.
Always choose a memorable password!
A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password,
selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife
and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye,
he selects a word: mypenis.
As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!
The computer had replied:
TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!
Always REMEMBER this:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
jbaker
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2008
- Messages
- 4,144
- displayname
- jeff l baker
What's next!!!
John Deere$
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014.
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive four "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain.
But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parent’s boats to party on until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own boat. Probably using their parent’s money to do so.
If you already have a boat, you cannot keep it. If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, inexperience, lack of knowledge or desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard, or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else. Yeah, it's that stupid.
John Deere$
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014.
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive four "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain.
But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parent’s boats to party on until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own boat. Probably using their parent’s money to do so.
If you already have a boat, you cannot keep it. If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can't afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, inexperience, lack of knowledge or desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard, or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...it's only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else. Yeah, it's that stupid.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
Kinf of added to what David posted...
To all
Check this one out....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's
in it"?
A physician called a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
That pretty well sums it up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To all
Check this one out....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's
in it"?
A physician called a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."
That pretty well sums it up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
FOOD FOR THOUGHT??
Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned " seventy-ish").
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.. my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a ****?'
Will I Live to see 80?
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned " seventy-ish").
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?
'I said, 'Not much.. my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a ****?'
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
America, the Greatest country in the world...
some scarey, mind prevoking opinions here. There maybe some truths here somewhere.
http://safeshare.tv/w/UAGOcLSuLX
some scarey, mind prevoking opinions here. There maybe some truths here somewhere.
http://safeshare.tv/w/UAGOcLSuLX
Allen Schumacher
WOW ; I`am a bit surprised you posted that .I have no dought that you are proud of your country. I`am proud Canadian ;but not proud of all that we have become. I don`t understand the issues with the USA and Canada ; I believe we should be a lot closer than we are and should work together to make our Countries stronger with no border between us.
WOW ; I`am a bit surprised you posted that .I have no dought that you are proud of your country. I`am proud Canadian ;but not proud of all that we have become. I don`t understand the issues with the USA and Canada ; I believe we should be a lot closer than we are and should work together to make our Countries stronger with no border between us.
jbaker
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2008
- Messages
- 4,144
- displayname
- jeff l baker
Love this Japanese Doctor!
I like the way this Japanese doctor thinks.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
I like the way this Japanese doctor thinks.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
