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Archive through December 09, 2013
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- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
Holy crap, hope those were really photo-shopped. Other wise them things gonna really hurt going over a big bump. <font size="-2">(And I bet no guy gonna let her be 'on top' if survival means anything to him!)</font>
Great come back line!!
Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: 'A pumpkin? **** ... is it midnight already?' The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way. The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best come-back line ever."
Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: 'A pumpkin? **** ... is it midnight already?' The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way. The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best come-back line ever."
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you"
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you"
> My First Condom
>
> I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Diane) knew what they were for.
>
> She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
>
> I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
>
> So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure
>
> I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
>
> Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
>
> So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
>
> She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.
>
> I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
>
> Then she beat the crap out of me....
>
> Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
>
>
> I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Diane) knew what they were for.
>
> She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
>
> I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
>
> So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure
>
> I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
>
> Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
>
> So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
>
> She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.
>
> I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
>
> Then she beat the crap out of me....
>
> Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
>
My Rant: I can`t understand why this site can`t move a misplaced post and place it in the proper section like a few other sites that I visit.for new people posting there is nothing that will stop them quicker that them getting flamed about not posting in the proper area. I can`t say what other people get for feed back but I often get emails asking questions that they say they don`t feel comfortable posting on the main form for fear that people will feel there question is stupid.I email them all back and tell them all there questions are important to the site because someone else might be wondering about the same thing.I have been on this site long enuf to see the same questions ask many times and they get answered. The Refurbish & Restorations ONLY! section is so important for people who have a (xxx) tractor and can lean about that tractor by reading all the posts in that section.I`am glad Charlie added that section ask per a talk we had one evening.I read all the posts in that section even for the tractors that I don`t have , it is great to have all that info there to read.
Until we can get rid of the leftist, progressive, bullshit liberal media we will have to just grin and bear it. After all, they have to flex their muscles somehow since they have nothing negative to say about the wonderful being in the Whitehouse. They have been paid off so graciously to try and keep the country in a constant uproar over racism, the fact that guns are so "bad", gay rights, etc.
I'm not familiar with Duck Dynasty but I'd bet some group of homos are just trying to get noticed by stomping on something/someone that would have been easily overlooked 30 years ago.
Don't ya'll realize the importance of men marrying men and women marrying women??? The first amendment doesn't apply to anyone with the ability to convey a message to the general public even though it is probably the common view of the majority throughout this great country. I personally don't give a damn but I'm also tired of hearing about it on a daily basis.
Real news is a thing of the past. I just hope I'm around when all of this bullshit comes to a head.
Remember, the country is now run by the "underinformed" or dumbasses as I see it.
Any disputes????
I'm not familiar with Duck Dynasty but I'd bet some group of homos are just trying to get noticed by stomping on something/someone that would have been easily overlooked 30 years ago.
Don't ya'll realize the importance of men marrying men and women marrying women??? The first amendment doesn't apply to anyone with the ability to convey a message to the general public even though it is probably the common view of the majority throughout this great country. I personally don't give a damn but I'm also tired of hearing about it on a daily basis.
Real news is a thing of the past. I just hope I'm around when all of this bullshit comes to a head.
Remember, the country is now run by the "underinformed" or dumbasses as I see it.
Any disputes????
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,912
- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
I guess one question to be answered here is, are people 'accepting' the gay life style, or are they 'tolerating' it ?? Maybe in a few years this will quietly find its place. What I dont understand is gay 'Pride', and its parades? Anybody have any knowledge about gay animals...? Didnt think so.
jdiederichs
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2004
- Messages
- 659
- displayname
- Jim Diederichs
This country is well on the road to becoming the Roman Empire in it's last days, isn't it? I hope the entire Robertson clan says "up yours" to A&E network and moves.
The Good Book already covered that issue, nuff said. I will not hate on anyone of that lifestyle but I sure as hell will not endorse it! I like the 3 B's!!!!
The Good Book already covered that issue, nuff said. I will not hate on anyone of that lifestyle but I sure as hell will not endorse it! I like the 3 B's!!!!
Wayne,
How can we be the "underinformed" or dumbasses with EVERYONE having smartphones? We should be the smartest MoFo's in the world. Maybe the reason is all those groups control the media and pump their bullshit/lies messages into those smartphones. Hey if it's on the internet it HAS to be true, right? Pfffft.
How can we be the "underinformed" or dumbasses with EVERYONE having smartphones? We should be the smartest MoFo's in the world. Maybe the reason is all those groups control the media and pump their bullshit/lies messages into those smartphones. Hey if it's on the internet it HAS to be true, right? Pfffft.
mmasheris
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2006
- Messages
- 713
- displayname
- Michael A.Masheris
I think the whole Duck Dynasty family should tell A&E to shove it.They could start a show on one of the sportsman channels with no restrictions,.They built their buiesness from ground up and know what they are dooing just my humble oppinion.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom-
You're exactly right. The people of this country OUGHT to be very smart but what ought to be and what is are, unfortunately, two completely different things these days. I guess I'm guilty as well because the computer I use has capabilities beyond my belief. I probably use less than 1% of what it's capable of doing but then, it serves my individual needs so maybe that's the case with these "smart" phones.
The pitiful media we now experience only portrays what it wants to keep people barking up all of the wrong trees. It makes puppets out of us all to a degree. For instance, as long as the gov. continues to pump phony money into the stock market we are made to think the economy is strong and just getting stronger. The day will come when this will be a thing of the past and the **** will hit the fan full force. And that's just part of what's going on every day of our lives. We don't realize we are the laughing stock of the whole world today. The good news is when we start going down immigration will slow dramatically. There are better places to live in this world in this day and time and only the genuinely smart and wealthy are able to take advantage.
This gay crap is only a drop in the bucket as to what's really going on here. I read the other day where a 9 year old was expelled from school for kissing a classmate on the wrist. I heard just yesterday that "e" cigarettes are now being banned all over the country because a few assholes have bitched about what MIGHT be. The list goes on and on and our time is constantly being wasted on triviality. I also heard there is a brand new military plane that is being taken to the bone yard right from the factory and there are more yet to be made all, unknowingly, at the tax payers expense. I just assume this is the result of some contract brought about by lobbyist that the gov. HAS to honor. It's a shame there are ZERO balls in Washington. It's my opinion that the only reason we are still viable here is the second amendment. Other countries are waiting for our weapons to be removed then they will ponce like a kitten on a ball of yarn. I also feel that's when the Whitehouse muslim will be totally satisfied. His removal is so badly needed.
It's a shame that this well liked TV show is being brought to a standstill because of a minority issue that has only a few people upset but it keeps our attention exactly where they (media) want it...away from the real problems of the country. This has been going on since 2008 when our country started going straight to hell in a hand basket. Maybe a few have since learned that voting a man into the Whitehouse because of the color of his skin isn't the best of ideas. This "man" cares nothing for this country and wants the government to continue to grow until it takes over every aspect of our lives. We have a gay issue with this TV show but our constitution is at risk on a daily basis.
Why can't we be smart enough to see that???
You're exactly right. The people of this country OUGHT to be very smart but what ought to be and what is are, unfortunately, two completely different things these days. I guess I'm guilty as well because the computer I use has capabilities beyond my belief. I probably use less than 1% of what it's capable of doing but then, it serves my individual needs so maybe that's the case with these "smart" phones.
The pitiful media we now experience only portrays what it wants to keep people barking up all of the wrong trees. It makes puppets out of us all to a degree. For instance, as long as the gov. continues to pump phony money into the stock market we are made to think the economy is strong and just getting stronger. The day will come when this will be a thing of the past and the **** will hit the fan full force. And that's just part of what's going on every day of our lives. We don't realize we are the laughing stock of the whole world today. The good news is when we start going down immigration will slow dramatically. There are better places to live in this world in this day and time and only the genuinely smart and wealthy are able to take advantage.
This gay crap is only a drop in the bucket as to what's really going on here. I read the other day where a 9 year old was expelled from school for kissing a classmate on the wrist. I heard just yesterday that "e" cigarettes are now being banned all over the country because a few assholes have bitched about what MIGHT be. The list goes on and on and our time is constantly being wasted on triviality. I also heard there is a brand new military plane that is being taken to the bone yard right from the factory and there are more yet to be made all, unknowingly, at the tax payers expense. I just assume this is the result of some contract brought about by lobbyist that the gov. HAS to honor. It's a shame there are ZERO balls in Washington. It's my opinion that the only reason we are still viable here is the second amendment. Other countries are waiting for our weapons to be removed then they will ponce like a kitten on a ball of yarn. I also feel that's when the Whitehouse muslim will be totally satisfied. His removal is so badly needed.
It's a shame that this well liked TV show is being brought to a standstill because of a minority issue that has only a few people upset but it keeps our attention exactly where they (media) want it...away from the real problems of the country. This has been going on since 2008 when our country started going straight to hell in a hand basket. Maybe a few have since learned that voting a man into the Whitehouse because of the color of his skin isn't the best of ideas. This "man" cares nothing for this country and wants the government to continue to grow until it takes over every aspect of our lives. We have a gay issue with this TV show but our constitution is at risk on a daily basis.
Why can't we be smart enough to see that???
