Archive through March 09, 2011

[aschumacher]

I guess that's the way Kentuck wrecked his back.
When he found the stove was hot too he tried to carry it back to bed with him !

 

[kweaver]

True story (I was there)

I went to the doc this morn , got home and the 'ol lady went and got my meds filled.

45 minutes after she got back I took her to the horsepital. Got home 4 hrs later...

The kidney stone is on it's way out but not made it yet.

She aint laughin' !!

 

[fcurrier]

John Prine: Prime Prine: Sandboxes are good. Fortunately we have the key to escape reality. My bad. I've been here long enough to know:

 

[dtanner]

OK here is a good one lol

man sitting at a bar having a few cool ones and the bar tender had to speak to him the only customer there at the time.
bartender How are you tonight sir you look a little down ?

I used to have a lot of Money !
but I learned a good lesson .
B
what happened ?

Well I always wanted to fly, so I bought a plane and leaned to fly,till one day I run off the end of the run way and smashed up the plane. it was a total loss.But I learned a lesson !

B that`s terrible !

So then I bought a nice boat and all was well for a few years till one day I hit some rock and the boat sank, another complete loss.But I learned a lesson !

B well you are unlucky

Then I met a nice lady and well we got married , but after a year she left me and took every cent I ever had. But I learned a lesson !

B said I notice you say (But I learned a lesson !)) every time you tell what happened. Just what did you learn??



Well I learned if it fly's,floats,fuc&s Rent it don`t buy it.


later Don T

 

[lbuttke]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

 

[dross]

What the heck, your call

 

[aschumacher]

Dave, that joke has been around for a while, now someone turned it into a video. I doubt it ever happened.

 

[kweaver]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws".

 

[jbaker]

A hooded robber with a gun burst into a Minnesota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There were a few long seconds of silence in which everyone was afraid to speak.

Then the Norwegian named Ole tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."

 

[kweaver]

What's funnier than Real Life ?
From the news headlines ...
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>

French Man Ordered to Pay Ex-Wife Nearly $12,000 in Damages for Lack of Sex

A French man was ordered by a judge to pay his ex-wife nearly $12,000 in damages for not having enough sex with her during their marriage, the U.K. Telegraph reported Monday.

The man, identified only as "Jean-Louis B." in press accounts, was fined under article 215 of France's civil code, which orders married couples to agree to a "shared communal life," according to the newspaper. A judge reportedly ruled that the code implies that "sexual relations must form part of a marriage."

The 47-year-old woman in the case filed for divorce two years ago, claiming that lack of sex with her 51-year-old husband was to blame for the split, the newspaper reports. After a judge granted the couple a divorce, the woman took her ex-husband back to court and demanded compensation for "lack of sex over 21 years of marriage."

A judge in southern France ruled in the woman's favor, according to the newspaper, saying, "A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent ... By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other."<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>