Archive through February 04, 2010

[chunt]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

.

 

[chunt]

The Taxi Driver...

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".
.

 

[tgratz]

Hello everyone! I'm sorry I don't have any clean jokes as of now but I'm trying to post things on here. Yes this is my first posting and I've been a member of this site for about two years. (That may get a chuckle in itself) Any way I'm trying this on here to hopefully not offend anyone or get off topic before I get this posting thing down. The computer is not a real strong piont for me yet but I'm learning. Thanks for your patience.

 

[jbaker]

Tim G your posting worked fine if your posting regarding any tractor in you current profile you can post in the main forum and welcome just a reminder after you got this figured out, every on here loves pictures

 

[dtanner]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

 

[T-Mo]

Ever get stuck..........on an escalator?

http://s202.photobucket.com/albums/aa145/treed_63628/?action=view&current=twopeoplestuckonanESCALATOR.flv

 

[T-Mo]

 

[kweaver]

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go and collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last nine months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an 0rgasm.

 

[kmcconaughey]

 

[kweaver]

no comment

Kraig dangit I've not had any sleep for 2 days and you throw that in my face ... how da hell am I suppose to sleep now !!


You know I hate green ... and tats ... I said tAts