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- Aug 23, 2006
- Messages
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- displayname
- Allen Schumacher
#7 is the truth! But I guess its the same as braile on a drive-up ATM...Both involve the seeing-eye dog driving!
-
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Archive through April 16, 2010
- Thread starter fcurrier
- Start date
Help Support IH Cub Cadet Forum:
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
So he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades.
When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor! I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away myDDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
So he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades.
When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor! I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away myDDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
stanner
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2002
- Messages
- 1,349
- displayname
- Scott Tanner... Can't even see the Cub in this mess..
The Perfect Comeback
A man took his dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
They decided to grab a bite at the food court.
the man noticed his dad was watching someone sitting next to him
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange & blue - and his dad kept staring at her.
The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.
When she'd finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing his Dad, the man quickly swallowed his food so he wouldn't choke on his response - he knew his dad would have a good one!
In classic style, his dad responded without batting an eyelid:
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
A man took his dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
They decided to grab a bite at the food court.
the man noticed his dad was watching someone sitting next to him
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange & blue - and his dad kept staring at her.
The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.
When she'd finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing his Dad, the man quickly swallowed his food so he wouldn't choke on his response - he knew his dad would have a good one!
In classic style, his dad responded without batting an eyelid:
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my daughter."
> A guy had to have made this up!
> Doctor: "What happened?"
>
> Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my
> husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
>
> Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your
> husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea
> and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish
> but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
>
> Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking
> fresh and reborn.
>
> Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
> husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea.
> I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
>
> Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
>
> Doctor: "What happened?"
>
> Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my
> husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
>
> Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your
> husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea
> and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish
> but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
>
> Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking
> fresh and reborn.
>
> Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
> husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea.
> I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
>
> Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
>
Guys this is funny,but will be hard on dial up its a big file.You will split a gut.lol http://www.wimp.com/classicbloopers/
glippert
Well-known member
You're right, Donald, that's funny stuff! I wonder if KENtuckyKen has ever had fishin' days like that?
J
jott
Guest
it was alright...
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2.. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3... El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4.. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston ..
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes...
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was " Houston ," but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island ...
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979...
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper..
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston ,Velasco, West Columbia and Austin ..
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U..S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas ..
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies.. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Y'all git all that?
1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles
2.. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles
3... El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4.. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston ..
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes...
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was " Houston ," but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island ...
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979...
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper..
18. Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston ,Velasco, West Columbia and Austin ..
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U..S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas ..
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies.. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .
Cowboy's Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie , Texas :
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Y'all git all that?
glippert
Well-known member
You forgot one thing, Donald. Texans, being proud of their large state, don't like to hear it, but if Alaska was separated into two states, Texas would drop from 2nd to 3rd largest. (Sorry, Texans!)
How fast can you guess the words?
1. B o o _ s
2. _ _ n d o m
3. F _ _ k
4. P _ n _ s
5. P u _ s _
Answers Below, Don't cheat
Answers
1. Books
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU!
NO COMMENT
1. B o o _ s
2. _ _ n d o m
3. F _ _ k
4. P _ n _ s
5. P u _ s _
Answers Below, Don't cheat
Answers
1. Books
2. Random
3. Fork
4. Pants
5. Pulse
You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU!
NO COMMENT
