DIVORCE!

[rodsmith]

After 11 yrs up here my wife says I can either move 200 miles from where she is from or we are over. There is a 6 yr old involved. She wants half of everything and our son. Don't think I can handle losing him! What about my job I have had for 14 yrs, enjoy have good benifits,insurance and all with? My parents are in mid 70's here. I'm just so confused, was just getting my building in order. Feel really stressed. Doc said stress would make it real easy to have another Heart Attack. Keep me in your prayers!!!!!!!!
ROD

 

[mfrade]

To say that sucks is an understatement! I hope you guys can work it all out and still be friends! I'll keep good thoughts in mind and hope for a quick resolution.

I just noticed we both work in the Water \ Wastewater field. I do both, Water & W.Water plants.

 

[stanner]

sorry to hear this Rod... from personal experience, get some professional counseling for you, then some joint consel for both of you... don't throw in the towel just yet...

 

[rodsmith]

Just wanted to say that I consider everyone here close friends even if we have never met.(even Charlie). I have been much of a loner most of my life have tried to be a good person have tried to be a good family man.THANKS YOU ALL FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME! THANKS FOR LISTENING! MEAN MORE THAN YOU KNOW!
ROD

 

[jchamberlin]

Rodney, I second Scott's advice. You can interpret your wife's request as literally "wanting some space." You've been through a lot recently, and you probably don't realize how much you've put her through. The fact that she has stated her desire to get away so strongly may indicate just how strongly she feels attached to you.

So, don't lose heart, but do lighten up. Its time to put everything on the table. If you're serious about your marriage she's got to come first, that's the point on which I suspect she really wants reassurance. Tell her that she means more to you than your job, your parents, your Cubs, and anything else.

Mean it.

Wait for her to respond.

Again, Scott has a point: a counselor can referee the conversation and help you negotiate an equitable arrangement in which you can both live your lives, hopefully together, but if not, apart without killing each other in the process.

It is worth talking to a counselor by yourself, and even if you go in together there is a good chance he/she will want to have one-on-one sessions anyway.

Resist the temptation to react. Now is not the time for recrimination or accusation.

Be transparent: tell her that you're hurting, as in, "When you tell me you're leaving, it hurts like hell. What can I do?" I feel certain she is hurting too.

Just don't commit to a course of action until everyone's feelings have been processed.

Trust in the fact that a lot of people of lived and died on this earth and many of them have gone through experiences that are similar to yours. Even strong marriages have been tested by fire.

I pray you will both be stronger on the other side, and I truly hope you will be together.

Words don't mean much when your feelings overtake you, but I trust you will be able to find peace, and remain at peace.

 

[rodsmith]

Thanks for the words JEREMIAH.
ACTUALLY, a lot of this came on before my heart attack.Doc said a lot of this stress is probably what brought the attack on when it did. I guess I hoped that me having the attack might have changed things. I was wrong. There are a lot of reasons I have for staying here. Job is formost reason.Now more than ever. I pretty much am guaranteed to have a job until retirerment.You can have poor streets,problems that a small town like ours has, but the federal goverment has the upperhand in water/wastewater. I am not ready for job change. Who wants to bring someone in to a new job that is 50 yrs old in this day and age.
And along with it now a heart ailment besides.
At this time my insurance is paid in full,4 weeks paid vacation a yr, and 12 paid holidays!
Granted, I am on call and have to work some of the holidays,but get double time. My folks are older,mom in very poor health,sure don't feel right in leaving them. House is here, born and raised here,planned on dying here. I didn't twist anyones arm to move here years ago.
But I can't think about just me. I do have a 6yr old. I'm sure most of you have sacrificed themselves for kids sake.I am not a gambler,hate taking the big risk of giving it all up and little while stuck without job and all!!
ROD

 

[kmcconaughey]

Rod, while I don't have any advise for you, I wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you.

 

[mschutz]

I second what Mike F said, I hope that things can be resolved.

 

[bbowman]

Rodney;

Being married for 32 years and suffering every high and low that comes with it,the best thing I can tell you is I am still married because of one thing...my faith in Jesus Christ! Read Corinthians and your answer lies within those pages. May God bless your wife,you and your marriage!
Bobby B!

.

 

[kide]

Rod:
I haven't posted much in the last year... I lost my wife in early September. You've received some good advise, but I would add this question: would you be happy with what you have now- job, house, Cubs, etc. if you DID lose your wife? I realize your situation is different with potential divorce than my loss, but I can tell you, I'd give up everything to have my love / best friend back....
Like others have said, I'll say a prayer for both of you..

Gerry

 

[thoffman]

I'm no Dr. Phil, But don't the vows say "For richer, and for poorer, in good times and bad"?? As a man in my later 50's I know what is like to try to find other work, AIN'T NONE!! Let's see how all this works out when you're outta' a job and can't pay the bills.

 

[digger]

Rodney S.
Since I HAVE BEEN in your situation!
AND I'm not telling you what you should do, as your the only one that can do that!
When my daughter was 4, I was given an ultimatum such as yours.

To make a LONG story short.
I ended up raising my daughter BY MYSELF and was all the better for it in the long run.
But that was me!
You gotta do what ONLY YOU THINK is right in the long run.

But remember this!
The decision you make with be FOREVER!
So choice wisely.