Part 2
12) Parts, I need New Parts: Okay, so you finally get out in the garage. Things are going well, because after all, you’ve been working on hot rods for a long time. You really do know what you’re doing once you get started. You’re very pleased with your progress. Sure enough, that ’57 Pontiac rear is torn down, ready for axle bearings… down to the parts store to see, who else? Parts Man. “Whadda ya mean you don’t have’em in stock? A weeeeekkk?” Geez, these parts stores don’t stock anything anymore. Well that “new” rear end you put under the car is now 40 years old….errrr, okay I’ll wait a week.
13) I need old cars and parts: You don’t excite easily anymore, but when the guy tells you about a couple old Fords and one real old Chevy out behind a guys barn you head off looking for tin. Yeah, two ’75 Granada’s and a ’68 Impala four door….them’s old?
14) The Dating Game: Okay single guys, here’s a car test for that lovely date of yours: If she thinks a ’65 Mustang is an old car she’s TOO YOUNG!
15) Mr. Clean: At one time you would fight your way through the rubble to get to your latest project, work all night amidst the mess, never even notice it. Gotta get the car done, I’ll clean up later. In spite of the mess you knew exactly where everything was, even the 5/16 socket that was sitting on the back of the old short block under the work bench. Today you head out to the garage and spend so much time cleaning you don’t need a project. When you are working you have a tendancy to lose small things (like drive shafts, intake manifolds, needle nose pliers, hydraulic jacks….) so neatness counts. Unfortunately your son is where you used to be, so he works, you clean up….one of life’s circles I guess. “Anyone seen my broom?”
16) Mary-Lou Retin you Ain’t: Ahhh, yes, remember oh wise one, when you could push out from under the car on your trusty creeper and bound up and over to the work bench? Yeah buddy, well those days are gone. Now you get out from under the car and slowly try to sit up. The creeper follows your slow movement and slaps you in the back of the head, which puts you on your knees. Now, from there you can look for a handhold to pull yourself up with… now what was I looking for?
17) Get that thing up here where I can work on it: Sure, was a time that wrestling with a tranny on the floor was fine, but no more you old piece of seasoned wood. Now even extra heavy stuff is hoisted into a comfortable work position….(Or see #6 and #7; Anyone seen the remote?) Consequently your shop is now so full of tables, saw horses, barrels and other makeshift work surfaces that you can hardly clean up in there. Sweeping around all that big heavy stuff is an all-day project. Well, at least you got the big pieces off the floor and clean, you can fix them next week.
18) Okay, Just a Minute: Damn, what was number sixteen, man it was right on the tip of my tongue… when’s the dealine? Today? Wait, oh, man it just went through my mind… number sixteen, hmmmmmm….
19) You’ve been the editor/publisher for fifteen years: Now there’s a sure sign that you’re getting long in the tooth. Few people have headed up the same magazine for fifteen years in an active writing, rodding, and photographing role, but yes, yours truly has managed to do it, sit at the same desk, bang out the same meaningless drivel for fifteen years (not to mention the ten years before that for what are now our competitors), but yes, I’ve managed to do that (Burger here). Geez it seems like I’d have gotten a real job by now, but at this point I’m too old to change.
20) You’re a great audience: Your editor only knows one joke, so he writes it down, and tells it to you every week. And every week you laugh harder.
21) You’re the Easter Bunny: Hey, there really are benefits to this age thing…you are now old enough and absent-minded enough to hide your own Easter eggs!
