Archive through April 04, 2008

[dhodgson]

How dose a little boy get everything he wants for Christmas? He asks daddy for a dolly!

 

[kide]

Charlie was removing a cylinder-head from the engine of a 129 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop........

The cardiologist was there waiting for Charlie to come take a look at his lawn mower when Charlie shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where Charlie was working on the Cub. Charlie straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to Charlie...

"Try doing it with the engine running."

 

[lbaker]

Good one Kendell !!

 

[gcoleman]

LMAO Kendell..!

 

[stanner]

And then the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked,'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started.....




After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....




When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....

so, I took her to a gas station.....

and then the fight started....

 

[lbuttke]

A stranger was seated next to a young blonde female on the airplane when the stranger
turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The young lady , who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets,
while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the young blonde girl replies,
'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

 

[lbuttke]

In a small Texas town, a new bar/tavern started construction of a building to house their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening, With petitions and prayers. Work progressed however, right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folds were rather smug in their outlook after that, untill the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way in the court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how i'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."

 

[lbuttke]

Heres another good one,

A little girl asked her father: 'How did the human race appear
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved

The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they came from monkeys



The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers

 

[lbuttke]

One more for tonight.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtae tr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt

 

[proessler]

Lonnie Thanks for the laughs!!!